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What To Do When You Can't Get An Erection

By: Roberto Garabelli

Any man who loses his erection during sex feels like he has lost his self-respect and his manhood. The ability to get an erection and enjoy sex really is an important aspect of a man's sexual self-respect, so developing an erection problem can have a profound impact. In short, being potent is, to most men, a fundamental part of masculinity.

But here's the irony - many sex therapists think the major cause of losing one's erection is worrying about not getting hard! In other words, once some problem has occurred that causes a man to lose his erection during sex, or not being able to get hard in the first place, he becomes anxious about it recurring so much and then he finds he really can't get erect again.

The surprising fact is that erection problems are common. An erection problem may develop for many reasons: you might not be in the mood for sex; you might be aware of the possibility that someone will hear you making love; maybe something went wrong for some reason last time you tried it; or it could even be that you were simply tired. Whatever the cause, you may have felt your erectile failure as a major problem that called into question your whole identity as a man.

Unless you are secure enough to accept that erection problems happen occasionally, your self-doubt may get worse, and your erection may become increasingly unreliable.

As time goes on, an erection problem tends to get worse. This negative spiral of negative expectations and failure to perform feeds on itself and can lead to you shying away from sex for fear of what may go wrong. And, as if to make matters even worse, a man who is struggling with erection problems will sometimes find he develops other problems like premature ejaculation.

Of course some men are more susceptible to this negative thinking than other men. A a perfectionist, or a man who believes he has to perform in bed at all costs, or someone who is very driven by a successful outcome, is probably going to take this much more personally than a man who is more relaxed when it comes to sex. And some men will not tend to see himself as a man with a sexual dysfunction - he will define himself as an impotent man.

So, if you're in this position, that there are certain things that are not going to help your penis regain its virility, including these: finding a new sexual partner; looking at porn or enjoying wild fantasies or trying them out; being insensitive during intercourse (e.g. pushing your penis into her as soon as it's hard and ejaculating as fast as possible); and even avoiding sex completely.

But the great news is that you don't need to give up sex just because you have erectile dysfunction! All you have to do is find the right approach to restore your erection.
To start with, remember that getting hard is first and foremost a response to physical sexual stimulation (though of course it can also be a response to mental stimulation, especially in younger men). If you spend too much time in your head thinking about sex, anticipating intercourse, and worrying about what may or may not happen when you try again, you can lose touch with your body and its capacity to be physically sexually aroused. You need to be in the moment when you're having sex, both physically and mentally.

Second, get a medical check-up for illness. Erection failure can be the result of: diabetes, hormone problems, stress, depression, anxiety, and many drugs, and various other medical problems. All of these things and more can stop you getting an erection even if you are sexually aroused.

The classic sign of a physical problem with your health is the complete absence of any erections even during the night. But this is somewhat dubious. What would you conclude if you get a partial erection when you masturbate?. Unless you are 100% sure of your erectile capacity, the best way to clear up physical problems is to go and see a doctor who specialises in male issues, one who knows what he's doing.

Third, deal with any deep-rooted emotional problems. If, for example, you were sexually abused during childhood by a woman, you won't have a good intimate sexual relationship with a woman. The way to treat with this situation is to get some good psychotherapy. If you think you might have homosexual urges, or a fear of intimacy, find a counsellor who can show you it's safe to be physically or emotionally close to another person.

A most important fact for some men to understand is that just because you're male doesn't mean you need to be able to have sex with any woman who fancies you. Your penis shows you the truth! What this means is that when you have the chance to make love with a woman who isn't sexually appealing to you, you can say "No" and still see yourself as a man! And, should you try having sex anyway and you suffer erectile failure, it might imply you should be more selective in your sexual partners!

Furthermore, you don't have to be a sexual superman. A great example of this kind of male thinking is that many men believe they need to be in charge at all times during lovemaking. In which case, they may lose their erection when something trivial happens: for example, they aren't able to easily penetrate their partner. Rather than asking their partner to direct their penis in, they just thrust blindly, hoping to find the vagina. These guys need to loosen up and remember it takes two to have sex!

And finally, you may be one of those men who needs to be in a loving relationship to have sex and enjoy it. If you are, don't attempt to make love with anyone who just happens to come along!

Other things to consider which may help you deal with erectile dysfunction: men over thirty may need a partner's touch to get an erection; men can make love with a semi-hard penis; erections come and go during lovemaking; men often find they go soft when when enjoying fellatio or putting on a condom; men don't always want sex; it's OK to say "no" to a sexual partner; you may not get an erection if you don't want sex with a particular woman, even if you're naked in bed together.

The best way to deal with erection problems is to use a treatment program which avoids you having to go and see a doctor or therapist in person. There is a powerful and simple self-help program at http://www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com

Article Source: http://www.newagelivingarticles.com

Rod Phillips is a sexual therapist with www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com.

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