I define 7 types of affairs in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair." One affair, "I Can not Say NO!" is portrayed by addictive tendencies. Disloyalty (as well as pornography, strip clubs, on the net chatting, compulsive masturbation, etc.) might be a part of the sexual obsession.
Habitually the partner or spouse of a sexually addicted individual instinctively understands of the infatuation & the struggle his/her partner has with the deeds.
The spouse often "feels for" his/her spouse and is in a enormous dilemma about remaining in the lover or leaving the spouse.
If you are a person confronting this challenge or know of an indervidual who is, here are some pointed questions to help move extra rapidly through the decision building process:
1. Do you actually fancy to salvage the lover or are you just plain worn out? Does it appear that it could feel a great deal less difficult to just put up and tolerate the crazy kind of behavior you bump into with him? Are you emotionally fried and think of confronting him with your emotions & opinion of ending the spouse as swinging into more emotional havoc?
2. Do you actually desire to recover the lover or do you sense you must hang in there for holy, ethical or other “aught” motives? Most spouses who spouse with those who can’t answer no are especially conscientious people. Is that you? Do you fancy to do the right thing? Are you willing to resume feeling the dishonor and confronting the risks since you think you aught hang about in the sex partner? Do convictions rather than practical & private concerns dictate your conclusions?
3. Do you in reality require to recover the nuptials or do you think you will hang about to watch over the offspring? Do you believe you are the only other half who can care for the family? (You could feel.) Or maybe your partner cares deeply for the offspring and is a great parent. (That may be also.) Do you sense that ending the sex partner would make life infinitely worse for your family? Do you worry for their welfare when you confront his behavior?
4. Do you in actual fact want to recover the marriage or do you see absolutely no way out and are resigned to this sex partner? You could face a potent pervasive feeling of being caught. You may believe that you have tried everything and that it is in the best interest of everybody to stay where you are. Couple your weariness with your impression of feeling stuck & you may well tolerate a large deal of disappointment and sorrow for the sake of the lover.
5. Do you actually require to rescue the lover or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem might feel at rock bottom. You may imagine of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of starting a new marrage, incapable of building the transition to a new life & incapable of building conclusions on your own. It is not unusual for the spouse of an indervidual who can not declare no to lose her impression of dignity & self-respect as he attempts to control, threaten and dictate.
6. Do you in truth desire to salvage the marriage or do you need to look after him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and worry? It’s there and you know it? Perchance you worry what could occur to him when you do indeed leave? Would he feel able to cope? What destructive path can he take subsequently? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying ache & hope some day it will be addressed.
seven. Do you in reality fancy to save the spouse or do you live in the worry that when you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perchance you can face violence? You can face the emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to be patient, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he would utter or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?
8. Do you in truth fancy to rescue the sex partner or have you given no thought to how you can start over? This is a little different than the fear of starting over. Maybe your life has been so wrapped around his or the care of your children that you have given little, when any, deliberation to you. Have you deliberation of your requests, your talent, your ambitions, your hopes & your future apart from him? Or, apart from your offspring?
Take several time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you might experience a new found freedom to act & move in new ways.
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